How to Kill an Argument in Less than One Minute


Have you had a spat with someone lately? Did you wake up every morning ruminating over it?

Isn’t it interesting how much negative stuff we tend to replay in our minds all day long? It has a profound effect on our physical health too. Anger and stress raise cortisol and insulin levels, making us prone to diabetes, heart disease and other chronic conditions. Not good.

Maybe it’s a relationship you’ve had some conflict in for a while. And you know, the harder you keep trying to make yourself heard, you can never seem to make your point.

Well, there’s another way to get your perspective heard.

I’m not talking about making sure you get in the last word, or pushing your point of view as the only correct way to look at something. It’s about making your side of the story heard. Like, actually heard and respected for what it is. And then respectfully agreeing to disagree, if that’s where things are at.

How do you do this?

It’s by saying nothing back. There’s actually truth to the wise saying, “silence is golden”.

When you stay silent, you’re making a point by not saying a single word. Or very few words, if any at all.

What do I mean?

Well, if someone says something unfair or untrue and refuses to listen to your point of view, you don’t need to engage much trying to assert yourself if you inherently know that it’s not going to matter. Maybe you’ve experienced an argument like this before, so you know that it’s just going to escalate no matter what you say. And drain your energy.

When you stop engaging, or say very few words back, the other person really doesn’t know what to say next.

You don’t need to give the dog a bone, as a good friend once said to me when I was dealing with a challenging family situation. That’s because when you keep giving the dog a bone, it keeps chewing on it and they’ll never let it go.

So, I have a simple grounding tip for you: don’t give the dog a bone in an argument.

Stay silent. And just notice how the situation simply diffuses in less than one minute.

What happens when you do this?

1. The other person doesn’t know what to say back. They’re forced to think about why you’re being silent or refusing to engage much with them. We can actually learn how to communicate effectively without using words at all.

2. The silence gives you time to think about what the other person is saying, how they’re saying it and why they’re upset. Silence teaches us to be mindful of our reactions.

3. Silence releases us from the ego self and elevates our interactions to a different level. That is, through silence we can often begin to see that it’s not always about being right but about rising above a situation. We always have the choice to take the high road out of any argument regardless of the other person’s actions.

4. Silence creates space for discovering new ways to handle a conflict. The raging person might modify their behavior in an unexpected way when faced with silence. It could even be a positive change once they see you’ve checked out of the conflict.

5. You get peace immediately and fast when you don’t engage. That argument can be killed in less than one minute. Having peace of mind is priceless for preserving mind-body health. It is exactly why silence is golden.

Now, you might be wondering how silence in any argument is a grounding tip.

It’s because I believe that God, or the universe speaks to us in mysterious ways.

When both parties are loud and trying assert their point of view, we can’t hear Him. Quite often, God or divine universal energy works in a soft, flowing manner. To notice His messages, we need to get quiet to hear the gentle whispers of God. And that can include a gut feeling on any situation. You’ll intuitively begin to know what to do once you shut your mouth and simply observe signs from the universe about the situation at hand.

So, if you’re dealing with a relationship challenge today and you’re struggling with how to make your point, just stop. Don’t give the dog a bone. Kill the argument dead in its tracks in under one minute through the power of silence. It works!

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